i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
