and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
