I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
