I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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