the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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