I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This is the high leading the old right now
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
