one two three fourrrrnication!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
