32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
