i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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