Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
