I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
