it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
