Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
