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Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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