Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
