Im at strip club and am horny
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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