If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's blow job season.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
