i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
