very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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