i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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