I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
