in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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