Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
