absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
