She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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