she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
