no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
