She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
