I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
