is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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