She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
