Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
