I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
the liver wants what the liver wants
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
