I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
