I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
