I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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