i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
