whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm like, not good at living.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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