Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
