I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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