There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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