Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Too much gin, very little bucket
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
