A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize