your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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