That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
