Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
