cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
