My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
