we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
