What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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