just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
