is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
