I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
