you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
and she was petting her beer can
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
