Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
