i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
