you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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