Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
