Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
