highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
