you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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