my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
