I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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