Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
