your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize