It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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