I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
