I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
