It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
