i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
