She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
