I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
