Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Can I color on your dick again?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
