I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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