Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
