I puked a lego.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
