i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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