u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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