when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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