ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
