She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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