Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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