margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
