Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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