I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
