Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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