No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
