Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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