these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
