My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
