When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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