Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
