it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
