Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
