She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize