I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
