I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
