I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
