Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize