There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
