ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
